To Hold Your Hand and Have You Near Me
by sharonflynns
Summary: a fanfic where duff's writing is a nightmare, literally / a happy ending for sharon and andy flynn /angsty, but i promise theres a fluffy resolution / shortfic


_Character's aren't mine, I just write them better_

His hands were shaking as the familiar pins and needles sensation that had started with his sweaty palms, began shooting through his entire body. Someone's arm came around him as his shoulder hit the wall, knowing what his dizziness meant, but not giving it a thought. It didn't really matter what it meant, or what happened from that point on anyway. Did it?

The room was a somber scene filled with silence and soft whimpers, but the only sound Andy could hear was his own heartbeat. Through his blurred vision he saw his wife smiling, a beautiful memory, leaning over his hospital bed months prior, looking like something of a nurse fantasy that every man dreamed of. He was certain that every man dreamed of a woman like Sharon, and she was all his. He remembered only the night before, sitting next to her on the sofa, holding her and trying to convince her that this wasn't the end. It wasn't their end.

She trembled in his arms, sobs shaking her whole body. With one arm around her and the other rubbing her leg, he tried to soothe his wife from the intrusive thoughts of shame and guilt. When would she ever put herself first, over her worry for others?

"No, you've got it all wrong," he hushed, rubbing circles on her back.

"Alright, look," he continued. "I'm sure there were moments when it seems like it might be easier for you, much less painful and not as much to suffer through, but..."

He took a moment to regain his composure for her sake, continuing to rub her back.

"It wouldn't have been easier for me." He managed to get out.

The memory of that night, and the pain in his chest the entire ride in the back of the ambulance sent a shiver down his spine, and it showed in his voice. "I would go through everything we had to manage, and then I would do it all over again, and again," and she smiled. "Just for one moment more, to hold your hand and have you near me."

She withdrew one of her hands from his and cupped his cheek, touching her lips to his and with all his own fears and worries, he kissed her back. He distinctively remembered thinking at the time, this isn't the end.' The answer to whether that was true or not remained up to his mind's interpretation.

He could hear his name being called, and remembered where he was, and when he remembered why, he knew he needed to sit down. Rusty helped him to the seating area, holding on to his step-father like he was the only family he had left in the world. Rusty leaned into him, muffling his cries while Andy was still unable to fully process the end to a long journey. It amazed him how only a few words could shatter his entire life. When you take Sharon Flynn out of the picture, you'll find there is very little left important to Andy Flynn. Without her, it felt like the world had stopped spinning and he was falling off.

He remembered the yelling and scuffing of shoes on the floor. The rapist's wife screaming while being dragged out of the room and Rusty crying for his mom over and over like a soundtrack to a sad movie. He remembered pushing his partner out of the way to get out the door faster to get to her. He should have busted into her office before the first question left the commander's mouth. But he knew his wife, and she pushed herself. She did push herself, farther and farther until there was no coming back.

'There was no coming back,' he repeated in his mind, and that was when he started to cry. He didn't care that his step-son was next to him, or that the entire team was looking at the two with devastation and sadness. Nothing mattered but her.

His first clear thought after he'd finished crying was that he needed to see her, to know that it was real.

He followed the doctor through the ER and as soon as he turned the corner and saw her chestnut brown hair hanging off the bed his face fell. He suddenly wasn't so eager to see her. He slowed his pace, looking at her like she was a flaming fire that was too big for him to put out; The damage was already too big, and he was helpless.

There was no blood, no evidence at all that she was even gone, she just lay there still on the bed. The colour was still in her relaxed face, and her hand was still warm when Andy reached for it. He almost wanted to ask the doctor if he was sure she was gone.

He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, a tear falling down on to her lifeless body. He squeezed her hand, stroking his thumb over the ring he'd put on her finger only a few weeks before.

"Sharon?" He cried, like it was a question and he needed an answer.

 _"Sharon..."_

His vision was going blurry again, and he almost hoped unconsciousness was following. And then he was hearing her voice. "Andy..."

He welcomed the sound of her voice, letting it lift him from the horrible reality of standing over his lifeless wife. He could see her face now. "Andy honey, wake up."

He blinked his eyes, and the hospital room was gone. He was in a dark room, a warm body lying next to him.

"Honey, you're having a bad dream."

He blinked again and saw the concerned emerald eyes of a very-alive Sharon Flynn hovering over him. Her hand covered his, making it hard for him to shake the memory of having to hold that hand seconds earlier when she was lying dead in the hospital.

She ran her hand through his peppered, silver hair and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're alright Andy, I'm here."

His hand reached for her, his fingers running through the soft brown waves of her hair, testing to see if she was real. 'It was just a bad dream', he thought to himself. He repeated it over and over in his mind until he could believe it.

"Oh god, Sharon. I just had the worst dream ever."

Once he had calmed, she laid back down, wrapping his arm in hers as she hugged it closely to her chest. "Mm," she hummed in response.

"We were in your office, and you fainted again. Your phone was going off, and you kept yelling and then you fell and everyone was yelling and crying and I watched Julio bring you back."

Her hands rubbed his forearm, as she listened, trying to calm him. "Then we were at the hospital and the doctor said they did all they could..." His voice trailed off, and he couldn't go on. It was too painful to think of again.

"Hey," her warm breath felt like heaven against his neck. "I'm right here, Andy. I'm fine."

She kissed just below his ear, - not seductively, just tenderly – and continued down to the crook of his neck. Although she was alive, he knew that she was still in poor condition and they couldn't go farther anyway. "You're not fine," he said, voice shaking.

His words surprised her, and she sat up on one elbow, just high enough to be able to look him in the eyes. "Andy, I am perfectly fine. I am safe, nothing is going to happen to me and I'm certainly not going to die."

He was distracted by the sight of her soft features in the dimly lit room. The only light was creeping in from under their bedroom from the hallway light. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't realized he'd been staring.

She blushed, expecting him to have some sort of counter-remark to her last words. "What?" She questioned, as it came out as more of a sigh.

He tucked the fallen strands of hair behind her ear. "You're beautiful, and I don't want to lose you Sharon."

She grabbed his hand, and kissed his knuckles. He still made her cheeks flush when he said things like that and she considered her skins reaction a reminder of how lucky she was that she'd overcome her doubts about the troubled lieutenant from Major Crimes and fallen into an eventual but very deep love for him. Looking at him assured her that she was where she belonged.

"Why don't I call Dr. Ryan tomorrow, and tell him to move me up on the transplant list?"

His eyes light up. "Really? Sharon, I don't want you to change your mind in the morning. Are you sure?"

She smiled and knew that no matter how much she loved Major Crimes, and being commander, her family came first. If she needed to take a longer leave she would do it, if things got so hard she needed to retire, she would do it... For him.

"Andy, I have everything I've ever wanted and more and I can't risk it all just because I'm afraid."

He kissed her again, taking away every last worry she had and for the first time since she had been diagnosed, she felt at peace.

 **BAM!** THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A HAPPY ENDING!


End file.
